While independent school headship is an incredibly rewarding job, it can also be wildly demanding. Successful, stable headship is not only good for individual schools; it is also good for the stability and future of the independent school community. That's why preparing and supporting new heads is a key priority for us at NAIS.
A year ago, in my Dear New Heads blog post, I summarized advice I collected from seasoned heads of school. This year, I went even closer to the source and solicited insights from heads who had just finished their first year. I figured their advice would be particularly relevant, having recently navigated the steep learning curve of year one.
I hope their advice and practical tips are inspiring and helpful to the nearly 100 individuals who are beginning their journey into headship this year and have just started their first year as heads of NAIS member schools. I hope, too, that these words of wisdom give you a sense of the dedicated and supportive community of leaders which you are now joining.
1. Prepare, but remember the limits of preparation.
First-time heads typically spend months preparing for headship, shoring up leadership skills and familiarizing themselves with the community, as well as the school’s challenges and opportunities.
Eric Hedinger of Augusta Preparatory Day School (GA) was very thorough and intentionally paced in his preparation. Even still, once he started his headship, he realized it was impossible to be fully prepared. He reminds new heads, “This role is so unique—it cannot be the same experience for any of us. Each community is different, and each school has its challenges.”
2. Get ready for a change in role—and a change in perception.
Indeed, it can be hard to prepare for all aspects of headship, not only the day-to-day demands, but also how you will be perceived by your community.
Hannah Nelson of Midland School (CA) felt the shift in role and scope acutely when she became head. “You go from being the top problem-solver to the top problem-identifier; the main doer to the main delegator.” This can be a hard shift, she says, but having team trust helps.
Jessica Leibowitz Morris of St. Andrew's Episcopal School (TX) also felt this shift in role, and in her colleagues’ perceptions of her. Her advice is inspired by Ned Hallowell’s essay, “Who Do They Think You Are? Transference in the Teaching Life," from the book Finding the Heart of the Child: Essays on Children, Families, and Schools.
The heart of Hallowell’s essay is the concept of transference. How people inevitably project their past experiences, hopes, fears, and frustrations onto a new leader. “You arrive on campus with your own story,” Morris says, “but everyone you meet already has their version of who you are. You will be the hero, the villain, the savior, the scapegoat––sometimes all in the same week.” All of these identities are less about you than you think, so try not to take it personally. As Hallowell says, “The only person who truly needs to know who you are is you.”
Mike Drew of Cannon School (NC) reflects on the importance of holding on to your sense of self, your internal compass, as a new head. “Self-doubt is inevitable and normal in this role. What matters most is staying true to who you are rather than trying to become someone you think you should be. The pressure to transform yourself into an idealized version of leadership will only make the job harder, and being your authentic self will be more effective, joyful, and liberating.”
3. Start by knowing the kids.
In the midst of the work and anxiety of preparing for headship, it could be possible to lose sight of what we’re all here for––the students. Remember to lean into, and on, the kids in a new head transition.
Spend September and October of your first year as a head learning the name of every child in your school, advises Emily Charton of The Rashi School (MA). “You will truly know your community if you know your children.” Plus, as she says, “It goes miles—with donors and on tours—when you can walk the halls and greet each child by name.”
Eliza McLaren of The Wellington School (OH) agrees and suggests new heads at schools with high school students start by winning over the seniors. “Learn all the seniors’ names before they come back to school, and then meet with them as a class early on. As far as you know, they’re the greatest senior class that the school has ever seen, so tell them this!” Plus, she says, you can rely on the seniors for candid feedback. “They are some of the best truth tellers you will have in year one.”
4. Stay curious.
As you work to understand your new school community—its practices, traditions, challenges, and opportunities— remember to ask “why.” Curiosity should guide the head-of-school journey right from the start, Hedinger says.
Nelson advises centering curiosity too, especially in your first year. “Really lean into the why of everything in your school. It will help you understand the school on a deeper level and be able to quickly support it and its core values.”
David Long of The Miami Valley School (OH) says that asking “why” from the outset will help you learn the reasons behind school practices and traditions. “I found that I needed to dig deeper during my listening tour, as it provided me opportunities to consider changes that could benefit my school.”
5. Keep yourself, and your door, open.
Your new school community wants to know who you are, so let them.
People in your new school want to know your "why," your beliefs about education, says McLaren. "Your story will help them understand that you ‘get it.’”
Michelle Farkas of Concord Hill School (MD) encourages new heads to allow themselves to be vulnerable. “Model what it looks like to take responsibility for mistakes and share how you’re learning from them. It sets a tone of honesty and growth when you don’t pretend to have all the answers.”
Morris advises to keep yourself open even when the going gets rough. “It is tempting to close the door—literally and emotionally—when the pressure builds. Don’t,” she says. “The more accessible and human you are, the less threatening your authority becomes.”
6. Prioritize board relations and celebrate your faculty.
In your early days as head, as you are connecting with many community members, be sure to prioritize the board and faculty.
Rob Cousins of Alta Vista School (CA) starts with the basics: “Your relationship with your board chair is crucial. Make time to develop it.”
In his early months as head, Long scheduled lunch or coffee with each trustee. This approach allowed them to get to know him personally, beyond his role as head. He also saw it as an opportunity to educate his board about his daily responsibilities as head, helping them understand the demands of the job and how they can provide support.
McLaren advises new heads to also keep teachers top of mind. “The single greatest factor in the quality of your school's education is your faculty,” McLaren says. Teachers care for students every day, so one of a head's most important responsibilities is to care for and support them, she says. One way to do that is to elevate and celebrate their work at every opportunity, especially with parents and trustees.
7. Get a coach.
One of the most common recommendations is to have a mentor or coach, someone outside your day-to-day school life who can help you objectively process your experience and develop your leadership skills.
Nelson offers specific advice for selecting a coach. “Find one who pushes you to be better and examine yourself, not just one who compliments you and confirms that what you are doing is right.”
8. Make time for self-care.
In a job as all-consuming as headship, self-care is key to your ability to succeed and sustain. “If you don’t exercise, start,” says Sarah Jacobson of Evansville Day School (IN). Going for walks is particularly helpful. Going for walks in nature is most helpful. I sometimes put exercise on my Outlook calendar so it actually happens.
In addition to a daily walk, Cousins adds, “make sure you do something you love that is non-school related every week, so you always have something to look forward to outside of work.”
Morris says part of self-care is having a place where—and people with whom—you can be just yourself. “Find your porch––metaphorically or literally, if you’re lucky––a place where you are not ‘The Head,’ but simply a human doing their best.”
9. Remember what you signed up for.
In addition to strategies like coaching and self-care, it can help to have strategies for framing the complex experience of headship.
Sara Stephenson of Chatham Hall (VA) advises new heads to have a mantra; hers was short and sweet: “I did sign up for this.” She says that it reminded her that, “When you become a head, you sign up for all the days equally—the glorious days with the shining moments, but also the messy, miserable days—and you choose to bring your best to each of them.”
Morris adds that, “Confusion, contradiction, and complexity are not failures of leadership, rather they are simply part of the job.”
Lisa Shambaugh of The Storm King School (NY) acknowledges there were many challenging moments in her first year as head, but she looks back at the year with no regrets and an overall feeling of success. She attributes this in part to luck––having “great board support and buy-in, a strong and committed faculty, and a community-wide excitement for change.” She also had a solid strategy for the first year––prioritize building community over all else––and a positive outlook: “If, in reflecting on this past year, I just focused on the tough and challenging things that happened, I might feel like it had been a rough year. Instead, I've thought a lot more about the moments of joy, the victories large and small, and the lessons learned. I am a bit exhausted, but excited for year two.”
10. Soak in the joy.
Year after year, most NAIS heads tell us that the rewards of headship outweigh the challenges.
Stephenson advises heads to give themselves permission to soak up the joy of headship—and to do so intentionally. “There are many joyful, fun, and memorable moments, big and small,” she says, “and they can get lost if you spend too much time worrying about ‘what-ifs’ or bracing for something bad to happen.”
Bad things are bound to happen in the busy, complex life of leading a school, but joy can provide protective power. “If you are well fortified and sustained by the balance and grounding that the joy of everyday life in school provides,” Stephenson says, “you will most certainly be better prepared to handle any crisis.”
